Today we will discuss Crohn's Disease, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Obsessive/Compulsive Disorder, Bi-Polar Disorder and the always fun, Anxiety Disorder.
Crohn's Disease: Crohn's disease, also known as Crohn syndrome and regional enteritis, is a type of inflammatory bowel disease (IBD) that may affect any part of the gastrointestinal tract from mouth to anus. Signs and symptoms often include abdominal pain, diarrhea (which may be bloody if inflammation is severe), fever, and weight loss. Other complications may occur outside the gastrointestinal tract and include anemia, skin rashes, arthritis, inflammation of the eye, and tiredness.
At 25 I was disgnosed with an auto-immune disorder. For those not in the know, auto-immune is a disorder where, in the most basic terms, my immune system is very, very confused. Example:
Immune System: Yo, guys, listen up. There's some wacky shit going down in Pandora's intestine. We need to eradicate that problem post-haste.
So my immune system viciously attacks my intestine, tearing to shreds the "wacky shit" that's happening. Only there IS NO "wacky shit" going down. So my intestines (the upper, not the colon) is under siege, and as a result, my intestines are now a bloody mess. There are tears, lesions if you will, swollen almost closed and a great deal of pain. What I'm feeling is pain in my right side that is rather like being stabbed repeatedly then set on fire, and stabbed again. It is relentless. When I go to the bathroom, it is nothing but blood coming out and water which is supposed to be excrement. Only it's more like a bloody crime scene and you're sure the victim is about to exsanguinate. This happens everyday of my life and has since 1995. I've had 4 feet of my intestine removed due to infection (27 days in the hospital is no picnic but at least there was lots of morphine and ativan because I have high blood pressure and with my readings at 222/180 (130/90 being "normal") I was in the sweet spot for a stroke.
After the hospital release I managed to live for a whole 4 months then during a colonoscopy (I have a lot of those), the Crohn's had come back.
You know that feeling you have if you have contracted an evil virus or have had food poisoning and you feel like you are dying and have explosive diarrhea and are so weak and dehydrated you can barely walk?
THIS IS HOW CROHN'S PATIENTS FEEL EVERY SINGLE DAY OF THEIR LIFE.
I have dietary restrictions: very little (like once or twice a month I can eat red meat), no fresh vegetables (you eat a lettuce leaf, you poo a lettuce leaf - we can no longer digest raw veggies). No nuts, no whole grains.
So all of this health food craze of quinoa, kale (what the fuck? Kale used to garnish salad bars. It is not supposed to anchor a meal). And fiber? EVERYTHING is about fiber because Americans can't shit? I haven't had a solid bowel movement since 1995. Fuck your fiber. Oh and sidebar: gluten, unless you have celiac disease (which 99% of you do not), ISN'T HARMFUL. I'm sick of being offered gluten-free shit. Bread is one of the ONLY things I can digest, and sometimes I'd like to punch everyone in their gluten-free faces. I can do dairy, thank the Gods. I miss Caesar's salad like a bitch. I miss baked beans. Not because I'm white and trying to be trendy. Because I'm sick and I fucking love that stuff.
Rheumatoid Arthritis: Rheumatoid arthritis (RA) is a long lasting disorder that primarily affects joints. It typically result in warm, swollen, and painful joints. Pain and stiffness often worsen following rest. Most commonly the wrist and hands are involved with typically the same joints involved on both sides of the body. The disease may also affect other parts of the body. This may result in low red blood cells, inflammation around the lungs, and inflammation around the heart. Fever and low energy may also be present. Often symptoms come on gradually over weeks to months.The underlying mechanism involves the body's immune system attacking the joints.
Sounds like a fucking picnic, doesn't it. But wait...there's more!
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder: Obsessive–compulsive disorder (OCD) is a mental disorder where people feel the need to check things repeatedly, have certain thoughts repeatedly, or feel they need to perform certain routines repeatedly. People are unable to control either the thoughts or the activities. Common activities include hand washing, counting of things, and checking to see if a door is locked. Some may have difficulty throwing things out. These activities occur to such a degree that the person's daily life is negatively affected. Often they take up more than an hour a day. Most adults realize that the behaviors do not make sense. The main cause is anxiety disorder.
Bi-Polar Disorder: Bipolar disorder, also known as bipolar affective disorder and manic-depressive illness, is a mental disorder characterized by periods of elevated mood and periods of depression. The elevated mood is significant and is known as mania or hypomania depending on the severity or whether there is psychosis. During mania an individual feels or acts abnormally happy, energetic, or irritable. They often make poorly thought out decisions with little regard to the consequences. The need for sleep is usually reduced. During periods of depression there may be crying, poor eye contact with others, and a negative outlook on life. The risk of suicide among those with the disorder is high at greater than 6% over 20 years, while self harm occurs in 30–40%. Other mental health issues such as anxiety disorder and substance use disorder are commonly associated.
I also suffer from Hypergraphia, which is a behavioral condition characterized by the intense desire to write. Waxman and Geschwind were the first to describe hypergraphia. The patients they observed displayed extensively compulsive detailed writing, sometimes with literary creativity. The patients kept diaries, which some used to meticulously document minute details of their everyday activities, write poetry, or create lists.
Anxiety Disorder: With panic disorder, a person has brief attacks of intense terror and apprehension, often marked by trembling, shaking, confusion, dizziness, nausea, and/or difficulty breathing. These panic attacks, defined by the APA as fear or discomfort that abruptly arises and peaks in less than ten minutes, can last for several hours. Attacks can be triggered by stress, fear, or even exercise; the specific cause is not always apparent.
SIDEBAR: I guarantee you I'm not suffering anxiety over exercise. The panic attacks didn't raise their head until around 2004. Why? Probably because at that time my Crohn's was VERY bad and out of control. I ended up having the 4 feet of intestine removed a year and a half later. I was in constant pain, ran a nearly perpetual fever and was so weak all I wanted to do was sleep. But I didn't. I had a 4 year old son whom I love more than anything (and at 14, is the most awesome kid ever) and he needed me. ?SIDEBAR.
So this is what I suffer from on a daily basis. Next post I will tell you what bits of these disease I suffer from the most, let you know I'm not ashamed of being bi-polar (and I know some are, but the way I look at it is: beginning in the 7th grade, I realized that conformity was not only demeaning but incredibly boring. I became myself, wearing combat boots to school and The Clash t-shirts when everyone else was in Calvin Klein jeans and Ralph Lauren shirts. I was mocked, but I couldn't have given two shits. That time is where I found myself and it was the most free I've ever felt in my life. And I'm still that same person today. I'm 44 and still wear steel-toes combat boots, jeans and comic book t-shirts or a black t-shirt when I go anywhere. I've basically worn the same "uniform" for 30 years. It's comfortable, it's me and anything else would feel like a costume.
And with all of the shit I have on my back, I manage to lead a perfectly normal (I didn't say healthy) life. It's not without challenges, but we'll discuss that in another post. Below you'll see pics of me, me with the man that puts up with it all, and my son. He's older now, but this is my favorite photo of him. He was 3 and we lived in the South then. It was Christmas and he was at a relative's home. The look of wonder on his face as he came down that slide for the first time was magic to me. And it still is.
Be safe, readers. Until Next time.
