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First World Problems

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Christmas

Hi all!  Quickly check out the bat charm Roger gove me for Christmas.  Isn't it the coolest?

So get this...Christmas was NICE!  It's not been great these past
few years. I mean, I'm happy with my life...I have a wonderful
partner who loves me even though I'm severely damaged as an individual mentally as well as physically.  I have a son who is
turning out to be somewhat of a musical savant at 14, which I can live with.  I have two step-children:  Miranda (15) who is so much like her father...Doctor Who fan, loves math (ew), is just as cynical as her father and I are, loves Marvel comics (she got that from me.  I've been in love with Marvel since 1985), doesn't give two shits what her peers think about her (another trait she got from me.  I was the goth kid in school and a pioneer of gothiness I was.  I had the black hair, which is naturally red...the white make-up - I used cornstarch as face powder, black lipstick and layers of Wet N Wild eyeliner...only because it was .99 per pencil).  I listened to bands no one had ever heard of back then:  The Birthday Party (who are now Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds or Grinderman, depending on who is playing the actual instruments), The New York Dolls (Billy Idol started out with them), Patti Smith (if you've never heard the song "Because The Night", you are missing a major chunk of musical greatness.  10,000 Maniacs covered it around 1993 and Natalie Merchant nailed it.  I listened to Lou Reed and the Velvet Underground, The Dickies etc.  I was 14 and my goal in life was to go to CBGB's and see Iggy and the Stooges perform.  Incidentally, the song, "The Passenger" is STILL my favorite song to this day.  It's been covered by everyone, but give it a listen.  It's so perfect and wonderful.  I heard it the other day on a goddamned Lincoln Continental Commercial.  I'd like to think Iggy didn't sell out, he bought in.

So this year I put up a tree - something I haven't done for the past three years due to depression.  Roger said it was good that I put one up...that I've been more "me" lately.  A few months ago I switched anti-depressants and those take a few months to kick in, so maybe these will work.  I went from Prozac (which worked miracles for me in 1992 but did squat this time) to Wellbutrin.  And a plus?  I'm smoking a lot less, so hopefully win/win.

My son, Alex, is coming to live with me at the end of the school year.  I'm so excited!  He's not thrilled he has to leave the ranch in Oklahoma, but his father relapsed and is going into a 6 month rehab program.  This is his third time and for my son's hope, he stays sober.  I know why he does drugs.  His mother was the first person he ever got high with.  He was 11 at the time.  He never HAD a mother...she was always fucked up.  She died when Alex was 2 (he's almost 15) of a drug overdose.  So my ex, no matter the female, he always treats them like shit after he's been in the relationship for a while.  He's expecting the woman he's with to give him what his mother didn't.  And it doesn't work that way.  Thing is, everyone is aware of this...he just is the only one that doesnt' see it.  And until he realizes it, and talks it out with a professional, he'll never be well.

Eh, enough about that.  My arthritis is wonky and my hands are killing me.  God love auto-immune...it's the gift that keeps on giving. 

Until next time!

Bi-focals

So Roger & I went to the eye doctor Saturday (@ 8am.  Who the hell makes an appointment at 8am? My mate, apparently)  and I totally caved and am getting bi-vocals.  Fuck me.

Now I know I've needed them for 5 years now.  I ember the day when my son handed me a bottle of ibuprofen and I was reading the dosage for a 10 year old or whatever his weight was then...and I couldn't read the print.  I took off my glasses and held my arm out until shit came into focus.

So, now after my 5 year denial, I can't even see the computer screen with my glasses on & can see "meh" better with them off.  I am officially old.  My son is 14 & a musical savant.  He was at our home in Chicago last Christmas.  He heard the theme to "Game of Thrones" a few times.  He then went back to his "school residence" & commenced to compose his own piano arrangement for the song.  Melody & countermelody...it was gorgeous.  Did I mention he taught himself to play the piano in 2 years?  Yes, he did.  He is also the #1 baritone player in Oklahoma at the age of 14.

I'm so proud!

So yeah, bi-vocals.

Roger is 4 years older.  He needs them, too, but he didn't cave.  Bastard.  And I say that with all the love in my heart.  Dammit.

Oh, this is my genius when he was little.  Adorable?  Absolutely.

Turning 45 & the tragedy of death.

So. I turned 45 this week. Can I just say...


When in God's name did this happen????  It was YESTERDAY I was at Lollapalooza when Perry Farrell was still really into it and it actually TRAVELED with Jim Rose's Side Show Circus.  

I saw, that particular year, L7, George Clinton and Parliment Funkadelic, Stereo Lab, Beastie Boys, and the ENTIRE REASON I went was to see...Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds.

I love his sense of storytelling throughout his music.  And when he wrote "And the ass saw the angel?"  He had that Southern Gothic dialect down.  I know, because I grew up in a swamp in New Orleans.  And I'm white, so I enunciate.

Most thrilling thing ever for me. 

Nick Cave's teenage son died today.  Anyway, I am heartbroken at any parent losing a child...I have no words.  I know if my Jellybean were to...something would happen?  

I would be destroyed.  There are no other words for it.   I couldn't live without my child and to think of someone I admire doing just that?  My heart weeps for them.

K 

Waiting...

I swear to any deity within earshot:  I will turn 50 before Windows 10 is finally installed.  And I'm quite patient.

Not much going on lately.  My incredible offspring known, as Alex, flew home last Saturday morning at the ungodly hour of 8:30am.  I was like, "Who the fuck books a flight that early?"

Apparently the culprit was none other than myself.

This is my son and his BFF, Claire.  Not to be confused with his girlfriend, Rachel.  Both are amazing and I adore them.

Here is the latest of yours truly.  I rarely wear make-up because it winds up running down my face, I can't nap in it and Roger isn't a fan.  However, ever now and again...

And here we have one of MY BFF's, my first boyfriend and now my best gay, Chris.  We "dated" in 7th grade, held hands and such.  He's such an angel and has been with a great guy for the past 10 years and is the wonderful father of 3 teenagers.  I adore Chris.  Nothing says Big Ole Bear like he does.

Being away from friends is difficult living so far north.  Also?  People look at me oddly when I speak.  My southern drawl is VERY pronounced.  At least people remember me, yeah?

My parents are here.

Family, death, gumbo & scrabble.

This has been my weekend so far.  Let me begin at the beginning.

• A few months ago I made plans w/ my parents for them to drive up to Chicago for a visit (my mom loathes flying).  So they arrive late last night.  I'm totally happy to see them except earlier in the day, Roger & I received news via our friends Kim & Tony that a mutual friend, Mike, had died.  This was a huge blow to our community.

• I need to explain about how we know Mike & our circle of friends (the community).  About 6 years ago I was dating this guy who was as nerdy as I am:  he collected comic books, action figures, loved Sci-Fi, fantasy, table top gaming, video games...everything I have loved since my 1st "Planet of the Apes" action figure when I was 10 to playing hours of Pong on the God-given game system that was an Atari.  This guy said since I loved the Final Fantasy & Zelda games so much, I should try World of Warcraft.

          And so I did.

          I began in the middle of the 2nd x-pac called "The Burning Crusade" with a Night Elf Hunter & a Gnome Warlock. I raided, met some great people.  Then along came the

          3rd x-pac, "The Wrath of the Lich King" & I never looked back.  

• I was now a once-dead-but-now-alive-bad-motherfucking DEATH KNIGHT.  I wore plate armor & carried an axe larger than most people.  I was technically a Night Elf, but had a very pale countenance, bright pink hair, a skeletal horse, it's rotting flesh falling from its bones. And I could hit.  HARD. Very, very hard.  I could take damage like it was nothing more than a pesky insect.  I was nearly indestructible & I loved it.

• I joined a Guild, which is a balanced group of like-minded players who get along, band together & kill lots of things together.  I joined a guild called "Suspect Zero" led by a nice guy named Mike.  His Warcraft name was Shermann because his role in battle was a tank.  Tanks keep the monsters occupied, can tKe a SHITTON of damage and basically keep the baddies busy while the DPS (damage per second-that's what I do.  I'm melee which means fighting baddies up close & there are ranged DPS like Mages, hunters, priests & warlocks.  They do their damage with spells, so they stand back a ways.  We also have healers (priests, monks, shaman, druids, paladins) who keep us from dying.

• Anyway, as a group who has to basically anticipate each other's every move, you get to know these people VERY well.  Mike, our leader, is the one who introduced me to Roger, our Raid Leader & Holy Paladin (healer) & long story short?  Roger & I have been together for 5 years & are planning on getting married.  I'm 44 & he is 48.  Most of our guild is between 35 & 50.  It was just such a blow when Kim & Tony called to let us know Mike died.

• More on this next time.  I was going to talk about mom & dad, but all I can think of are my fellow guild-mates:  Hal, Toni, Matthew, Kim, Toni, Kyle, Sammy, Chuck, Crixy, Danny, Dan, DJ, Al, Zack, Margo, Iggi, James, Remy, Eddie, Lucas, Amelia, Winter & Sage.

• Until next time, guys.  I am going to cuddle up with Roger, we're going to decimate a cheesecake & watch Sense8.